Promise
Dimly I might remember your face, in the flickering light of someone else’s fireplace. I will remember how I wanted to be wearing a blue coat when I met you, but instead I was wearing green and that is not how it was supposed to happen. I might feel something important when I hear your name, something that could travel through my bloodsteam until I die, but most likely I will feel nothing.
I wouldn’t flinch at an explosion now. I wouldn’t be able to know fear. I wouldn’t know how to hope. Maybe on my lips I’ll keep some of the quiet wishes we had for each other and someday send them into the desert.
You were once a hole that I was constantly falling into, and now it has been filled many times over by distaste. It has been more than filled; it is the tallest mountain on my heart’s horizon.
Please, I promise not to keep you awake, if you promise not to kick me out. I promise not to talk too much, if you promise to keep picking me up at 3 am. I promise to build your ego up, if you promise to keep my secrets.
Like love picked out of a trash can, an obsession with someone else’s garbage.
I was so scared of what might float out of the mouseholes in my emotions then.
Well, I’m promising now that I’ll think of you never.
[© 2010 Sophia Nelson]
