Over-eager got my stomach pumped,
still-faced and taciturn and all the people
stumbling around me, my mother walked her fingers
along my forehead like butterfly kisses.
I felt I could breathe fire, spitting up bursts of fuel,
launching my guts out of my body like fireworks
and everybody terrified of me, a dragon
bloodthirsty, unconcerned and losing her mind.
I have the impression of being drawn along
by a long conspiracy of coincidences that move
me closer to the worth of all my work –
holding my breath, counting my toes,
cutting each line parallel to the next -
work that stops car wrecks from happening
and keeps my fingernails from falling off.
Waking up again reminded me of some circle of hell
where the over-eager were banished, near-comatose
tapping out each of their hiccups and laughing
to keep from screaming.
I just want to sit next to myself,
a ghost holding the hand of a body
full of oxygen.
There are ten million ways to love yourself
and I could only think of one.
[© 2010 Sophia Nelson]
How Things Were When 2006 Became 2007
there was the gray cat
curled into a perfect circle
nicks on her knuckles
from the fight with the fox in the backyard
and one on my baby toe
from tripping up the stairs
in your apartment lobby
a ball of silver tinfoil on the coffee table
from all the kisses
neatly sculpted
like a crystal ball
i could never understand the beauty in letting go
when it all came back around again
did it once in the car out in the parking lot
and then collapsed on the pullout bed in the apartment
from underneath the couch. found an extra-small black t-shirt (not mine)
tucked tightly into the cushions
my badly acted apathy
climbed under the covers anyways
with my white 4-inch high heels still on
too tired to say anything so i just tapped at
my crystal ball
back and fourth around my palm
and there we were, another year
going on together with suspicious minds
even though Elvis said it wasn’t right
[© 2010 Sophia Nelson]
Reconcile
I did choose, didn’t I?
And I chose love. Lonely lonely in the moon.
Thought you’d ask me not to leave.
Thought I’d always want to stay.
Lonely lonely the island cries,
so that the mouth can barely speak.
Lonely lonely
that was you,
clapping in the distance,
applause. Crept in like a shadow
underneath the door-frame.
You’re the one
in the sky, in the dark, in the night.
Lonely lonely rests
the things I couldn’t say.
That was you with your weight against the door.
I’ll be the one
to hold you back, to fly away to what I want
to make, to cry out loud
to choose.
[© 2010 Sophia Nelson]
